Rockstar Puts ‘GTA VI’ on Hold—But the Surprising Reason Isn’t What You’d Expect

Honestly, have you ever stared at the ceiling at 3 a.m. and wondered: “Would GTA VI come out any sooner if the developers just finished their Algebra II homework?” No, just me? Well, buckle up, darlings, because Rockstar Games is taking micromanagement to an entirely new GPA—literally . Apparently, our beloved Grand Theft Auto VI is being held hostage by the threat of academic probation—forget crunch time, it’s report card season in Edinburgh! Can you imagine a world where game developers can’t play with digital mayhem until they ace their pop quizzes? I mean, how’s anyone supposed to debug code and memorize the periodic table at the same time? The absolute nerve . What’s next? Fortnite on hold till everyone learns cursive? For all you anxious fans counting down to your next crime spree in Vice City—maybe check if your Algebra grades are up to snuff before pointing fingers. As for me, I’d like to see the Easter eggs they’ll hide if half the team makes honor roll… Curious? Oh, you know you are—<a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/GTAVIDelayedNIBIHA_GR.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Scolding thousands of employees for letting themselves become distracted from their schooling, Rockstar Games announced Friday that Grand Theft Auto VI would be delayed until the studio’s developers got their grades up. “We understand how much our team wants to release a painstakingly crafted Vice City into the world, but there’s just no way we can do that for them until we see them put their nose to the grindstone in Algebra II,” said Strauss Zelnick, CEO of Rockstar parent company Take Two Interactive, stressing that a C-minus in biology “just wouldn’t cut it,” particularly given how much games cost to develop these days. “The simple fact is they’re losing track of what matters most, which is making the honor roll, finding a summer job, and really thinking about their future. You can’t just skip half your homework assignments and spend all your time working on jiggle physics for the strip clubs scattered across the fictional state of Leonida. Maybe if they get that GPA up, we’ll consider releasing GTA VI for them in Q2 of 2026. But that’s a big maybe.” Zelnick added that it wouldn’t hurt if Rockstar’s team of software engineers all tried joining the junior varsity track team.