Secrets Revealed: The Surprising Stats Behind the U.S. Open

If you’ve ever wondered how many ball boys need to be replaced per tennis match (hint: it’s way more than you think), or questioned why leaf blowers became public enemy number one at the U.S. Open, you’re not alone . I find myself staring at that iconic court, watching Jannik Sinner and Coco Gauff bash tennis balls like their lives—if not their hamstrings—depend on it, and thinking, “Is this sport secretly just auditioning for the NFL kickoff?” The thwack of a Sabalenka grunt is practically a navigational beacon for pigeons crossing the Triborough Bridge . Grand Slam season’s last hurrah in New York isn’t just about racks of rackets or players dreaming of tennis immortality—it’s an absurd, high-octane parade of everything from streakers’ jiggling flesh to alternate realities where the Menendez brothers are doubles legends . Frankly, sometimes I can’t decide if I’m watching tennis or a golf tournament staffed entirely by confused millions . If you’re ready for some truly staggering U.S. Open stats (and you’ve already called your bookie about the over/under on hours until the NFL starts), you’re in the right spot . LEARN MORE

Jannik Sinner, Coco Gauff, and more of the world’s top tennis players are squaring off in New York for a major title in the fourth and final Grand Slam of the year. The Onion examines the key facts and figures behind the U.S. Open.

29:

Ball boys worn through in the average match

1.5:

Hours the tennis balls are allowed to roam freely each day

1990:

Year spectators barred from using distracting leaf blowers in stands

2 million:

People who thought this one was golf

8th Dimension:

Home of alternate reality in which Menendez brothers win men’s doubles tournament

14.5 Miles:

Sound blast radius of Aryna Sabalenka’s grunt

9:

Serves per game driven directly into jiggling flesh of streaker

84:

Hours until the NFL kicks off

1:

Player whose hard work won’t have been a giant waste of time