Secrets Revealed: What Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau Only Told The Onion
What happens when pop royalty collides with the most charming mop of hair north of the border? Oh, just global bedlam, public speculation, and a photo that looks like it broke out of a government simulation experiment. Honestly, I can’t figure out if I’m about to binge-watch a Netflix rom-com or a rerun of Black Mirror. Is the union of Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau the unlikely match our timeline deserved—proof that, somewhere out there, algorithms are just getting bored and clicking “randomize”? I mean, if love can blossom between Hollywood spectacle and Canadian soft power on a barge off Maine, am I the one missing out or should I be grateful Jeff Bezos didn’t invite me to the breeding program? Dive in below for a wild conversation that darts between geopolitics, ancient ruins, and a potential custody battle with the Arctic Circle—and try not to spill your cold brew. LEARN MORE.
Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau’s rumored romance has taken the internet by storm. The Onion sat down with the celebrity couple to discuss their fledgling relationship.
The Onion : So how did you two meet?
Perry: Lauren Sánchez paired us off as part of Jeff Bezos’ plan to breed a higher race of humans.
The Onion : Is navigating an international relationship difficult?
Trudeau: No, we usually just meet on an unaffiliated barge off the coast of Maine.
The Onion : What do you talk about?
Trudeau: Mostly ourselves.
The Onion : Are you worried all this media attention will disrupt your work?
Trudeau: Neither one of us has lifted a finger in years.
The Onion : Katy, what do you see in Justin?
Perry: A path to controlling the Arctic Circle.
The Onion : Favorite monumental Neolithic excavation in Upper Mesopotamia?
Perry and Trudeau: Göbekli Tepe!
The Onion : Do you think you’ll get married?
Perry: I hope so! I would love to meet that special someone one day.
The Onion : What do your kids think of your relationship?
Trudeau: That’s a question for the nannies.
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