She Got a Tattoo Based on a Lie—What Happened Next Will Shock You.
So what do you do about this rollercoaster of feelings? The best strategy is to learn the art of the comedic deflection. When your friend starts her monologue about why she’s “not like other girls” because she prefers video games over brunch, don’t affirm her. Don’t even give a nod of politeness. Rather, deflect like a pro figure skater. By not being a supporting character in her own soap opera, you’re indicating that this conversation is finished. Over time, the lack of an audience will hopefully make her reconsider her performance, as the payoff for her act diminishes.
Handling “friends” like this seems like a nightmare
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
If you’re feeling brave enough to go for a more direct approach, prepare for a conversation that might feel like a delicate negotiation with a toddler. The key is to use the “I” statement. Instead of “You’re always putting other women down,” say, “I feel a little uncomfortable when the conversation becomes a competition.” It’s a gentler way of holding up a ‘stop’ sign without yelling. Her likely response will be defensiveness, a classic defense mechanism. You’re not there to fix her.
You’re there just to speak your truth and communicate your boundaries. If she’s not going to listen, you’ve done your best. The defensiveness is typically symptomatic of her own insecurity, and not a shortcoming on your end. Your emotional peace is not a prop in another person’s play. Friendships should be something that makes you happy, and not a draining task in dealing with another person’s insecurities. If your efforts at boundary-setting do not work and you’re putting in more emotional work than a professional therapist, then perhaps it’s time to practice some social distance. This has nothing to do with cruelty or punishment, it’s about caring for yourself from a dynamic that is absolutely draining. It’s completely fine to recuse yourself from a friendship that is more stressful than it is fun. Real friends don’t have to block out others’ light to shine. They’re too occupied encouraging you to even bother about the spotlights. So go get the friends who got your back, because life’s too short for friendship drama.
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