Shock Move: Trump Demands Reversal of All Vasectomies in Sweeping Executive Order

Ever wonder what would happen if presidential power met the sharp end of a urologist’s scalpel? Apparently, the future involves a nation on the brink of a reproductive renaissance—one uncomfortable snip at a time . Today’s headlines don’t just blur the line between political theater and late-night comedy—they tear it wide open, stitch it up, and then make everyone wait 60 days for the punchline . Trump is back, and this time, he’s determined to reconnect more than just voters with their civic duty . He’s aiming a little lower, and let’s just say, America’s vas deferens has never had so much attention (and possibly, trepidation) . Can one executive order really lead to a country bracing for a different kind of baby boom? Strap in—and maybe cross your legs—because this is truly one for the history (and anatomy) books . Ready for details that’ll make you laugh, wince… or both? <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/TrumpIssuesVasectomies-NIB-PH-R.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

WASHINGTON—Telling reporters that the move would do much to combat low U.S. fertility rates, President Donald Trump issued an executive order Friday reversing vasectomies nationwide. “We’re requiring all men to head to their doctors and have them undo these terrible, terrible procedures,” the president said in an address from the Oval Office in which he clarified that men over the age of 18 would be given 60 days to have their reproductive ducts reconnected or face imprisonment. “Go to your urologist, get them to make a small cut—just a little cut on the scrotum—and put all that stuff back together. There will be some pain, but we want our men blowing full, beautiful loads to make the country’s future bright. America’s vas deferens will be the envy of the world.” Trump added that this executive action would overturn the “awful Biden orders” that forced all men to get vasectomies in the first place.