Shocking Discovery: AG Reveals Trump’s Name Found Tattooed Across Epstein’s Body

Ever hear the saying, “wear your heart on your sleeve”? Well, turns out Jeffrey Epstein took that to the next level—except the “heart” in question was, inexplicably, Donald Trump’s name, and the sleeves were actually his entire torso . I mean, who among us hasn’t wondered if our legacy would end up immortalized below someone else’s collarbone? (No? Just me?) In the swirling sideshow that is Washington’s latest scandal, U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi downright floored Trump by revealing his name was tattooed all over Epstein—decked out in everything from glitzy hearts to gothic-script tributes . I can’t say the whole thing doesn’t feel like some fever dream generated by a tabloid headline algorithm—one that, perhaps, ran out of room for any remaining shreds of dignity . Honestly, between Bill Gates’s calligraphy and an Alan Dershowitz merman making a cameo, reality’s gotten a smidge too surreal, don’t you think? But hey—at least someone finally found a new way to leave a lasting impression . LEARN MORE

WASHINGTON—In another dramatic twist in the ongoing scandal involving the late sex trafficker, sources confirmed this week that U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi previously informed President Donald Trump that his name was tattooed all over Jeffrey Epstein’s body. “During a routine Oval Office briefing, Bondi mentioned that Trump’s name was inked on every inch of Epstein’s skin below the neck in styles ranging from new school to American traditional,” said an inside source familiar with the discussion, stipulating that Epstein’s full-body tribute to the president was not the sole focus of the meeting. “We are unsure of the context and meaning of the tattoos, but Bondi did note that Trump’s name appeared inside of hearts and surrounded by daisies and roses multiple times. Epstein had tattoos of other names as well, including ‘Bill Gates’ in bold gothic calligraphy across his midriff. There was also a majestic merman on his inner thigh that looked a lot like Alan Dershowitz.” At press time, a House subcommittee passed a motion to subpoena photos of Epstein’s ‘Donnie’ tramp stamp.