Shocking Revelation: Has Australia Been Lying About Its Weird Wildlife All Along?

Is it just me, or did anyone else feel the tiniest twinge of suspicion the first time you heard the word “quokka”? Seriously, it sounds like the noise you make when choking on a macadamia nut . And don’t get me started on wombats—cube-shaped poop? Please, that’s a PowerPoint transition, not wildlife biology . Yet here we are, jaw collectively on the floor as Australia’s own Prime Minister pulls back the curtain and reveals their adorably oddball mammals were nothing but an elaborate, nationwide practice in creative writing . Every SEO strategy in the world can’t beat the click power of “four-headed echidna penis”—I’m just saying . So, what else have we fallen for—drop bears? Vegemite? Maybe “shrimp on the barbie” was really a cry for help all along . One thing’s for sure: if you’ve ever wondered why Australia’s wildlife sounded like a Mad Libs fever dream, you’re in glorious, hysterical company . LEARN MORE

SYDNEY—Saying the ruse began as a harmless prank about the continent’s mammals having pouches, Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese admitted Tuesday that all those animals like wallabies, numbats, quokkas, and bandicoots were completely made up. “We just assumed everyone would have caught on by now, because these creatures are clearly imaginary,” said Albanese, adding that Australians were shocked that the rest of the world could be so gullible as to think there was actually an animal called a wombat whose poop came out in cubes. “I mean, come on—kultarrs, bettongs, wambengers? Their names sound like something out of Dr. Seuss. Once we realized people actually believed in kangaroos and koalas, we started making up even crazier stuff, just to see if they’d fall for it. Like the echidna, a spiny egg-laying mammal with a four-headed penis. You thought that thing was really running around in the Australian woods and not just a dumb joke we made up to amuse ourselves? In reality, our wildlife here is pretty boring: squirrels, some deer, a few bears. All pretty normal stuff.” At press time, the prime minister acknowledged that Australia had also made up Steve Irwin.