“Shocking Shift: Why Are Men’s Grocery Stores Stocking Tampons—and What’s Fueling the Outrage?”

In an era where grocery shopping seems to be as fraught as political debates, we find ourselves pondering a critical question: Should supermarkets cater to the full spectrum of human experience, or keep it strictly ‘manly’? Nick Schwab, a 54-year-old local conservative from Springfield, Illinois, has thrown down the gauntlet of outrage over the mere presence of tampons in his grocery store’s aisles – a situation he deems emblematic of “woke nonsense” and the feminization of American men. After all, what’s a supermarket without some good old-fashioned masculinity? In a world where grocery lists can now include period products, one can’t help but wonder if we’re approaching a future where every trip down the produce aisle could also require a shopping guide for the ‘radical left’ beauty aisle. So, is it time for a manly moratorium on menstrual products in the grocery stores—or is it merely another chapter in the ongoing saga of evolving retail spaces? <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/ConservativeOutragedNIBIHAGR.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

SPRINGFIELD, IL—Describing the items on the shelf as yet other example of the “woke nonsense” abetting the feminization of American men, local conservative Nick Schwab, 54, told reporters Wednesday he was outraged by the availability of tampons and other period products in men’s grocery stores. “This is fucking unbelievable—what if I’d had my son with me today and he’d seen this?” said Schwab, who added that he would expect this sort of thing at a Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods, but not at an ordinary men’s supermarket, where he insisted male shoppers should be able to buy food without fear of getting “brainwashed by the trans agenda.” “God, I miss the days when I wasn’t continually forced to apologize to the world for being a man. What’s next? Will the radical left make them put in a whole aisle of lipstick and makeup and stuff like that?” Schwab went on to ask what the world was coming to when his grocery store had shelves full of tampons but the condom dispensers were somehow always empty when he went to visit his local glory hole.