“Supreme Court’s Controversial 6-3 Decision Sparks Fears of Batibat’s Ancient Wrath Reawakening”
In a twist that’s equal parts spine-chilling and eyebrow-raising, the Supreme Court has decided to crack open the ancient burial chamber of Batibat, a fearsome spirit known for her nocturnal antics—haunting dreams and suffocating her victims while they sleep. Yes, you read that right! In a 6-3 ruling fraught with controversy, the Court has reversed a nearly 50-year-old decision dedicated to keeping this ghastly entity sealed up tighter than a drum. With a nod to the spirit’s repugnant history and public apprehension swirling around the potential consequences of her release, one has to wonder: Did the justices get a little too caught up in the drama of their own constitutional jurisprudence, or do they really think they can simply wave a judicial wand and unsheathe an ancient evil? If the Founding Fathers had envisioned such a conundrum, would they have packed an extra exorcist in the first Congress? As per Justice Alito’s majority opinion, the Constitution apparently doesn’t offer a safety net from demonic disturbances, sparking fierce dissent from colleagues concerned about our collective safety. So buckle up, because if Batibat makes a comeback, it could be a wild ride! <a href="https://theonion.com/washington-despite-polls-that-show-the-american-public-o-1851671791
“>LEARN MOREWASHINGTON—Despite polls that show the American public overwhelmingly supports keeping the ancient burial chamber sealed, the Supreme Court ruled 6-3 Friday to pry open the evil tomb of Batibat, a vengeful spirit who haunts the dream space of her victims and suffocates them in their sleep.
