The Bell That Cost a Life: Mystery Surrounds Cow’s Sudden Slaughter

Ever thought about what it really means to make sacrifices for your family? Like, how far would you go just to satisfy that insatiable hunger… for clangs? No? Well, apparently in Meade, Kansas, it’s just a regular Friday dilemma. The poor moo-cow Molly had no idea her melodic bell was about to become the Cox family’s golden ticket—or, at the very least, a shiny, slightly rust-prone solution for loan payments and home acoustics. Practicality is one thing, but “bell over beef” is a whole new level of commitment to the clang cause . I’m not saying times are tough, but if you ever find yourself apologizing to a cow while eyeing her bell, maybe it’s time for a little soul-searching (or perhaps a new hobby that doesn’t involve livestock-related melodrama) . Eyes wide open, heart a little twisted, I genuinely hope someone’s tracking rural bell market prices. Ready for a tale that rings just a touch too true? LEARN MORE

MEADE, KS—Saying the difficult act was necessary so his family wouldn’t be starved for clangs, local farmer Troy Cox told reporters Friday that he had been forced to slaughter a cow for its bell. “I told Molly that I was sorry, girl, but we need that bell if we’re going to make it through the year,” said Cox, who removed the prized bell from the slaughtered animal before dumping its carcass into a compost heap. “When you live on a farm, you have to be practical and make tough choices. You can tell by the clean sheen and melodic sounds that this is a prime bell, and it should be more than enough to hold us over with rings until winter. Either that, or we sell it and put the money toward the mortgage. There’s a real bell shortage now, and it could fetch a fine price. We aren’t cruel about it, though. Used to be the bell was cut off the cow with a knife, but now we have a more humane method that drives a bolt into the cow’s head.” At press time, Cox was reportedly kicking himself after leaving the bell outside for too long, allowing it to rust.