The Dark Secrets Therapy Reveals That Most People Desperately Try to Ignore
That my disease isn’t curable. I am NOT going to improve, I have to quit waiting on better days to start enjoying my life because those days are never ever coming. This is my new permanent life, this is my new normal & even after several years of being sick I can’t really accept it.
That my mother will never be the person I need her or want her to be, and I have to let go of that dream of her which I created. I can keep her in my life or cut her out of it, but only by accepting her for who she is and letting go of the fiction.
That I don’t do nice things for others because I’m a “nice” person but that I do it in a self-serving manner to keep myself “safe.” Growing up I worked tirelessly doing nice things for my alcoholic mother so she wouldn’t hurt me and now as an adult compulsively I do nice things for others so that I won’t be rejected by them.
People in general don’t have has much empathy and compassion for others at the level that I do. That’s been the hardest thing for me to accept.
That I have PTSD because my life has been full of trauma. Felt terrible when I first heard it. Surely the “trauma” label must be for people who had it worse than me? Feels much more realistic and objective now that I’ve been treated by a therapist who specializes in PTSD. Yes, what I went through was trauma. And yes, it left its mark on me.
That my parents emotionally neglected me. More and more memories of how what I needed was so lacking keep coming up and it hurts to accept that they either didn’t care or didn’t have the energy for me
That my parents we’re emotionally abusive, and that my emotional regulation and anger management issues stem from being raised in an emotionally reactive household.
When my mom died, I realized through therapy, that I wasn’t mourning the loss of my mother, but the realization that she had never been one, and her death made that definite. I’m honestly still taken aback by that one, years later.
That I was not a “low effort kid”. My parents raised me in such a way that i just, stopped having needs because it was easier than expecting them to meet them. It’s still hard for me to admit that I have needs sometimes, and to admit that I feel pain because I feel they weren’t met. I’m still working on the part where I’m ugly and unlikeable and nobody will ever really love me. That one is tough.
That I have developed codependency and it has pretty much wrecked how I view my relationships and how I act towards myself. Oh and also, how trauma has affected the way I view people’s tones of voice and facial expression. This has caused me to be hyper aware of body language. It can be a good and bad thing depending on how you look at it. I can easily pick up when someone is uncomfortable, not saying everything they mean to, are keeping a secret, lying, etc. But it also makes me overthink and over analyze HAHA.
The reason my mean friends from 13 still effect me today isn’t just because I struggled to get over it, but because everyone in my support circle (family, other friends, etc) didn’t believe me or made it feel like it was my fault for not telling them until after I left that friendship
Someone who is emotionally unavailable can often make someone who is emotionally available feel like their basic needs are too much.
that if I want to heal I have to stop seeing myself as a victim. yeah some bad s**t happened but I can’t carry that and let it affect other people because ive victimized myself and am waiting for someone to come to my rescue
It doesn’t matter why someone did something, what matters is they did and how I feel about it. I spent too much time agonizing over whether certain people realized they were being abusive at the time or if they were too stupid/imbalanced to realize it. Doesn’t matter. Nothing excuses being abusive to another person, especially if that person is a child in your care. Having your own mental health issues isn’t an excuse to abuse others. Also my therapist wanted me to reparent my inner child and I have zero concept of how a good parent would treat a child and the idea of treating my inner child kindly freaks me the f*** out. I never got to be a kid and the idea of letting myself act childish is very upsetting.
That my parents (mostly my mother) were/are emotionally immature and abusive. It was so normalised my whole childhood, I knew they weren’t great parents but I didn’t realise the amount of trauma I experienced until it surfaced in therapy.
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