The Shocking Dating Trend Hidden in Plain Sight That Could Destroy Your Love Life
Every day, it feels like there’s some new dating fad popping up—just when you think you’ve got the whole romance thing figured out, along comes ‘submarining.’ Sounds like something straight out of a James Bond flick or maybe a kinky new position, right? Nope! Thanks to the internet—the very creation of Tim Berners-Lee, who probably never imagined his web would one day double as a soap opera stage for our love lives—we’re now more exposed than ever to all kinds of relationship shenanigans. From UK swingers’ festivals to spicy cruises, sexual trends are plastered all over our feeds like a never-ending parade. But submarining? That one’s got its own quirky twist: it’s basically ghosting’s sneaky sibling, where someone dives deep into silence only to resurface like they never left—usually with a cryptic text hinting they might be bored, lonely, or … well, you get the picture. Ever gotten that random “Hey, remember me?” message out of nowhere? Yeah, that’s submarining in action. Curious why people pull this disappearing act and what you can do to dodge the drama? Let’s dive into the murky depths and bring it all to the surface… LEARN MORE.
Hardly a day goes by without hearing about a new relationship trend and ‘submarining’ looks to be the latest in a long list.
When Tim Berners-Lee was putting together the world wide web, he surely wouldn’t have predicted that it would one day be the go-to for many people to share everything about their relationships and sex lives.
But now, even with the recent introduction of the Online Safety Bill, it seems we can’t go five minutes online without spotting something related to sex, whether it be ‘hotwifing‘, a swingers festival in the UK or spicy cruises.
Fortunately, while submarining could very easily be the name of a new sex position, it’s actually far more PG, and perhaps far more annoying if you’ve ever experienced it.
What is ‘submarining’?
“Oh God, not him again!” (Getty Stock Image)
In the same way that a submarine spends much of its time underwater but eventually comes up for air, some people in the dating world are deciding to ignore their potential partners for sometimes months on end, before sending a text which usually implies that they are bored, lonely or horny.
It has also been compared to ‘getting zombied‘, where a partner ‘comes back from the dead’ and sends a text without acknowledging that nothing has been said for the past few months, or however long the apparent ghosting went on for.
What have experts said about ‘submarining’?
Dr Catherine Nobile, a clinical psychologist based in the US, has explained the key differences between submarining and ghosting.
She told PureWow: “Ghosting is when someone suddenly goes completely silent without warning – no more texts, calls or activity on social media – leaving the other person without closure or understanding of why the relationship ended.”
Submarining, in contrast ‘involves a person disappearing for a period and then reappearing, attempting to reestablish contact without addressing their previous absence’, according to Dr Nobile.
It’s probably best to just block them (Getty Stock Image)
Dr Wendy Walsh also provided an explanation as to why someone might do this in the first place, as it often seems counterproductive and is unlikely to have a high success rate.
She said: “Submariners often crave intimacy but are terrified of the vulnerability it requires. Evolutionarily speaking, having ‘backup mates’ is a very common human mating strategy.
“Nowadays, sex is in such high supply that men do not need to commit to any one woman. They play the odds game by keeping a lot of backup mates.
“A submariner wants to put somebody on the back burner so they can reach out to them later when they feel lonely.”
How to avoid being ‘submarined’
Early advice would be to block the number as if they have done it once, they are likely to do it again, and you shouldn’t waste time or energy growing feelings for a person that seemingly has no regard for your own.
While there are exceptions, such as if they have a very good reason for disappearing in the first place, I think it’s always better to play things safe rather than getting too attached to someone who likes to disappear without warning. After all, communication is key for a healthy relationship.
Nobody deserves to be a ‘back-up’ in the dating world, unless of course that’s your own personal fetish, in which case, go off.
