The Shocking Truth That Separates Graysexuality From Just Having a Low Libido Revealed

Ever stumbled across the term ‘graysexual’ and thought, “Hmm, sounds like sexual attraction’s buffering… but what does that even mean?” You’re not alone. Graysexuality isn’t just a quirky label tossed around like yesterday’s memes—it’s this fascinating middle ground between asexual (no sexual attraction) and allosexual (hello, attraction!) identities. But hold on—before you jump to conclusions and confuse low libido with graysexuality, let me stop you right there. They’re as unrelated as pineapple on pizza and classic Margherita, seriously. Cody Daigle-Orians, a TikTok pro who breaks down sexuality with analogies that actually make sense, cracks it wide open: think of sexual attraction as your “factory settings” and libido as the volume knob. So, whether that romantic tune is blasting or barely audible, graysexual folks might flip the attraction switch on and off—but libido? That’s an entirely different jam. Feeling mystified or maybe even a little “wait, is this me?” There’s a whole crew in the online world swapping stories you might want to eavesdrop on. Ready to tune in? LEARN MORE

You might’ve heard of the term ‘graysexual’ before, but you might not know exactly what it means, or at least how it differs from other sexual identities.

The truth is, graysexuality can encompass a range of different feelings and identities, but it typically represents someone who sits between being asexual (someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction to other people) and allosexual (someone who does).

But while that seems fairly straight forward to understand, some people have been left confused about what that means for libido.

More specifically, does having a low libido mean you’re graysexual? In actual fact, they are two completely different things.

Cody Daigle-Orians, who shares advice and education around sexuality on TikTok under the handle @acedadadvice, explained using the perfect analogy.

“Is there a difference between graysexuality and just having a low libido? There’s a big difference and it has to do with attraction versus desire,” he explained.

“So let’s start with attraction. Graysexual folks are folks who sometimes experience sexual attraction and sometimes don’t. It’s an identity under the asexual umbrella and graysexuality is focused on sexual attraction; the attraction we feel towards a person or a kind of person that makes us want to have sex with them.”

Cody went on to explain that he thinks of sexual attraction as our ‘factory settings,’ while libido is something different entirely.

Libido and sexuality are different (Getty Stock Images)

“Libido describes our drive for sexual activity. You can think of libido as the volume setting, so if sexual attraction is your song playing on the radio, libido is whether that song’s playing loudly or softly,” he explained.

“The song doesn’t change, just how much you hear it does.”

Cody went on to clarify that a person can be graysexual and have a low libido or they could be graysexual and have a high libido, in the exact same way that can be true of allosexual people.

“They’re two independent relationships there,” he said.

While graysexuality certainly isn’t new, many people might just be hearing it for the first time and wondering if it applies to them. Luckily, if you fall into this category, there are a whole community of people online who have kindly been sharing their own experiences.

The graysexual flag (Getty Stock Images)

Taking to Reddit, one user shared the moment they realised that their attraction to others wasn’t typically of a sexual nature.

“I had crushes, but they’re very few and far between. Like decades. They usually don’t last long either,” they wrote.

“I’ve felt true sexual attraction maybe once in my life. When I see someone attractive, I don’t have that ‘I’d hit that’ internal feeling. I just want to be near them.”