The Surprising Secrets to Building Lasting Friendships After 30
Isn’t it wild how making friends as a grown-up suddenly feels like trying to break into a velvet-rope nightclub when you showed up in sweatpants? We spend our childhoods dodging cooties and forging sworn alliances over juice boxes — then, fast-forward, and now merely finding someone to split the check at Applebee’s feels like an Everest expedition . Why does it seem like there should be a social Tinder for platonic connections, but all we get is awkward small talk while pretending we care about someone’s fantasy football team? Look, if connecting with new people sounds about as intimidating as asking your boss for a raise, you’re definitely not alone … and you’re in luck . The Onion’s latest rundown is hilariously packed with the kind of “advice” that’s just offbeat enough to sound plausible in today’s fever-dream reality—right down to befriending iguana owners at your neighborhood reptile haven. So whether you still call your parents “Mom and Dad,” or want to skip straight to “Linda” and “Charles,” this guide might just be as close as we get to a playbook for post-college camaraderie … and you might even end up with an alibi or two . Curious? LEARN MORE.
While it’s natural for personal relationships to change or fade over time, many adults reportedly find it difficult to forge new friendships later in life. The Onion shares tips for making friends as an adult.
Start calling your parents by their first names.
Find a volunteer cause you can immediately dispense with the second your social life picks up.
Hang out at the playground where you made your first friend as a kid—sometimes lightning does strike twice.
End any outstanding East Coast vs. West Coast rap beefs.
Reconnect with old friends to see if they know anyone better they can introduce you to.
Establish authentic connections by standing in a long line and complaining to the people around you about how long it is.
Threaten to turn in the rest of your heist crew if they don’t hang out with you after the job.
Adopting an iguana can be a great way to meet people at the local iguana park.
Carefully observe someone who has a lot of friends, then kill and replace them.
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