The Untold Story Behind Pam Bondi’s Meteoric Rise in Politics

What do you get when you cross a Florida woman, several political party switches, and an FBI file thicker than Trump’s hairspray budget? Oh, just Pam Bondi, the U.S. Attorney General who’s managed to shred both documents and MAGA loyalties faster than you can say “Epstein didn’t ki— nevermind, that’s probably redacted too.” Isn’t it wild how we live in a world where having a podcast is more important than national security cred? I mean, I’ve seen people get canceled for less than “favorite hobby: redacting.” Take a look at Bondi’s profile — equal parts legal drama, daytime TV subplot, and recurring nightmares that even Stephen King might pass on. Ready to peel back this perfectly manicured, politically volatile onion? LEARN MORE.

U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi’s handling of the Epstein files has divided MAGA world, with many Trump supporters calling on the president to fire her. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Bondi.

Ethnicity: Floridian American

Political Party: Democratic (Until 2010) Republican (2010-2026) National Front For Making America Great (2026-)

Preferred Debate Style: Knocking on a car window

Favorite Hobby: Redacting 

Biggest Political Liability: Has never hosted a podcast

Thoughts On Jeffrey Epstein: Classified

Recurring Nightmare: Being saved from drowning by a trans swimmer

Who Trump Thinks She Is: Lara Trump

Biggest Regret: Not becoming a dance mom

Eventual Cause Of Death: Presumed suicide