“These 79 Hilariously Awkward Moments Will Make You Understand Why They’re Still Single!”
To this day, I can’t tell if this was my friends feeble attempt at flirting, or if he had reverted back to his 6-year old self. It was like watching a car accident in slow motion, and his ill-fated attempt of a conversation still pains me to my loins. He still doesn’t realize what he did wrong.
#69
My buddy, on a double date, after talking with this friend of ours for 2-3 weeks literally asked “if the carpet matched the drapes”. She didn’t hear what he said (or couldn’t believe it) so asked him to repeat himself and he did.
My then wife, the lady in question, and a circle of women 10 feet around us made the unmistakable sound of vagina’s slamming shut.
#70
I went on a first date with a guy who seemed pretty charming, decent looking, and intelligent via meeting on a dating app. He was new to the city so I offered to meet him for lunch.
We get to the restaurant and after about 10-15 minutes of small talk, he proceeds to start pointing out other men who were dining and categorizing them as an “alpha” or a “beta”. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not…
After he concludes pointing out single every man in the restaurant, he points to himself and says “I’m an alpha. I don’t think you’ve been with any since this city is shallow and full of betas but I’m down to show you what that means.”
I don’t know how on god’s green earth I finished that meal in his presence but I did. I promptly let him know later that day via text that we weren’t a good fit but thanks for the time and he proceeded to tell me that I wasn’t going to find anyone better, but good luck trying.
