They Were Best Friends for Over a Decade—Then One Shocking Moment Changed Everything
I had come out to N about liking him the day before, and I’d had this overwhelming crush on him for over a year by then. I was devastated by this. I had our first date built up in my head and a consuming idea of what a happy couple we would be like together. He gave me an honest answer, and I can respect that now, but I didn’t want to take no for an answer back when I was a moronic 15-year-old.
It was at the beginning of lunch, and no one else had sat down at our friend table yet. I sat down in my usual seat next to N, and he started talking to me like nothing had happened the day prior. I refused to act like nothing had happened and confronted him. I pretty much went off on him about how I would be great for him (very nice girl) and said something along the lines of, “I can’t keep living like this, being just your friend.”
He replied, “Then don’t live. I don’t care.”
My face went red, and I ran into the bathroom to cry. I thought I loved him in my 15-year-old head because he could make me feel normal. When he told me that, I took it as him telling me to k**l myself and began a downward spiral where I actually wanted to for years.
N and someone I thought was my friend began to bully me after that, saying I was not welcome and that I was a loser. I heard through the grapevine that he called me a “crazy b***h stalker girl” at one point. We were all in the same Honors classes (of which there was only one of each–small school), so there was nothing I could do about it unless I wanted to completely change the trajectory of my school life and drop honors.
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