Trump Takes On Safeway: The Bizarre Legal Battle Over "Fake" Ham Revelations

Can you sue a ham for emotional distress? In a world where politics and processed meats collide in the most curious—and honestly, gobsmacking—ways, nothing surprises me anymore . Yet here we are: President Trump, flying high at 35,000 feet, and firing legal missiles at a Safeway flyer for having the gall to call ham “tender and juicy” when apparently, it’s dryer than a Nevada sidewalk in July . My first thought was, has grocery store drama ever made you question reality this hard? Because now I’m reeling—$20 billion over a circular’s ham hyperbole?! If you’re craving the latest in absurdity (with just a whiff of honey ham), strap in . Let’s slice into this baloney together . LEARN MORE

WASHINGTON—In an escalation of his ongoing feud with the press, White House sources confirmed this week that President Donald Trump was suing the Safeway circular for false ham claims. “The deceptive Safeway flyer peddles lies about the dry and chewy Krakus Polish Honey Ham being both tender and juicy,” the president told reporters aboard Air Force One, explaining that he was seeking $20 billion in damages from the grocery coupon publication and its editor-in-chief for what he described as a “shocking hoax.” “The Safeway circular has treated me very badly. They say you can taste the homestyle difference, but you cannot, and there’s no way that ham can be $8.99 per pound after I brought grocery prices to an all-time low. However, that’s nothing compared to the horrendous ham prices we saw under Biden.” Trump added that he planned to launch a sales flyer of his own that would represent lunch meat without bias, spotlighting only succulent, hickory-smoked American hams.