Trump’s Bizarre Solution to Toy Shortages: Dancing Servants Spark Outrage and Curiosity

How do you know Christmas is just around the corner? I’d say it’s when America’s supply chain grinds to a halt and suddenly the real holiday miracle is convincing your kids that a Roomba counts as a “robot toy.” But President Trump, never lacking for creativity—or, let’s be honest, alternative solutions—has a different spin: why bother with store-bought dolls when you’ve got actual people on staff just itching to entertain the little ones? (Or, at least, just itching.) I can’t help but wonder—has anyone ever tried to wrap a chambermaid in festive paper and stick her under the tree? Maybe we’re missing out on the true spirit of the season, one awkward dance routine at a time. Prepare for a satirical deep-dive that’s bound to make your inner child—and possibly your HR department—cringe. <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/TrumpArguesToy-NIB-PH.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

WASHINGTON—Acknowledging that his tariff hikes could result in a frozen supply chain this holiday season, President Donald Trump claimed Friday that any toy shortages Americans experienced could be easily overcome by making the family’s servants dance for their children’s enjoyment. “Maybe instead of 30 dolls this Christmas, children play with the life-size human figurines they already have,” said the commander-in-chief, noting that when he and his siblings were growing up, they often kept themselves entertained with nothing more than a couple of old, beat-up chambermaids whom they berated into acting foolish for their amusement. “Why do children even need dolls when they can play dress-up with the undocumented help, make the day laborers kiss—whatever fun act of humiliation they can imagine. For generations, kids were perfectly content just demanding their housekeepers perform for them under threat of being fired. I guess it was a simpler time.” Trump went on to state that he had even set aside one of his favorite childhood maids for his grandchildren to debase.