“Trump’s Bold Move: U.S. to Bring Panama Canal Home—What It Means for Global Trade!”
In a move that seems ripped straight from the pages of satirical history, President Donald Trump has proposed the audacious relocation of the Panama Canal to the heart of Texas, rechristening it the “America Canal.” Yep, you heard that right! Picture this: an entire 50-mile-long waterway transported like a giant IKEA shelf. It seems the idea is not just about logistics, but also a splash of competitive geopolitics—and let’s not forget the promise of job creation! In a truth-baring post on Truth Social, Trump declared he’d bring “our beautiful system of channels and locks” back to American soil, waving goodbye to any foreign influence like a final farewell at a high school graduation. And as the world watches this latest headline grab, one can’t help but wonder—what’s next? A nationwide move to relocate other countries, perhaps? As the plans unfold, prepare to chuckle at the brilliance—or absurdity—of this latest escapade. To dive deeper into this oddity, click here: <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/TrumpAnnouncesPanamaCanalNIBIHAGR.jpg”>LEARN MORE.
WASHINGTON—Claiming that the waterway will now be called the America Canal, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that the Panama Canal would be relocated to U.S. soil. “Our beautiful system of channels and locks is finally coming home, folks!” said Trump in a Truth Social post before signing an executive order directing American personnel to airlift the 50-mile-long artificial waterway connecting the Pacific Ocean and Caribbean Sea to its new location in Austin, TX. “China can say bye-bye to their influence over the canal once it’s placed squarely within America’s borders. This simple action of transferring a billion gallons of water over to the United States will create more jobs than ever before. You’re welcome!” At press time, Trump officials drafted plans to relocate Canada and Greenland to America’s heartland as well.
