“Tylenol Unveils Controversial ‘Fainting Couch’ for Feverish Women: A Comfort Revolution or a Step Too Far?”
In a world where whims and fancies collide with feverish frustration, Tylenol has stepped up to offer an outlandish yet laughably quintessential solution to the age-old drama of “female hysteria.” Imagine this: a chaise longue designed specifically for women grappling with the delirium of relentless emotions—talk about a touch of Victorian flair! With their newly announced extra-strength fainting couch, Tylenol claims to deliver instant relief from the tumult of daily life, all while draping delicately over your sofa like it’s the answer to every over-stimulated woman’s prayers. Victoria Holmes, the company’s spokesperson—and perhaps the modern-day embodiment of a dramatic heroine—says you can rest your weary head on its velvet expanse for up to six hours! And if that’s not enough to lift your spirits, they even suggest combining it with a good shoulder shake and some vocal motivation. Who knew mental wellness could be so… stylish? Curious how a piece of furniture can conquer the chaos of emotions? Well, don’t just sit there—LEARN MORE about this delightful eccentricity!
MONTGOMERY, NJ—Touting faster relief from the symptoms of delirium common to women, Tylenol introduced a new extra-strength fainting couch Thursday for use by feverish consumers. “This fast-acting chaise longue promises instant relief from agonizing hysteria,†said Victoria Holmes, a spokesperson for Tylenol parent company Kenvue, adding that it was already the No. 1 doctor-recommended piece of furniture for patients in the throes of female mania. “Simply drape one hand over your forehead and lie back on the fever-reducing velvet divan for up to six hours of reprieve from the mental turmoil that comes with having no control over one’s emotions. Also suitable for treating aches and pains caused by a too-tight corset or injury from a dizzy spell.†Holmes added that in serious cases of the vapors, it was safe to combine with other remedies, such as having someone shake one’s shoulders while yelling, “Snap out of it!”
The post Tylenol Introduces New Extra-Strength Fainting Couch For Feverish Women appeared first on The Onion.
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