“Unbelievable: 66 Outrageous Student Excuses That Sound Too Wild to Be True!”
When I was collecting homework, one of my 2nd graders pointed to his forehead and told me, “I don’t have it because I got bruised.” It looked like a normal f*****g forehead. And I also don’t understand the connection between those 2 things. So I just chalked it up to a weak excuse and moved on.
A week later that student’s dad came in for a parent teacher conference. During our conversation the dad says “Well he told you how he quit breathing and we called 911 the other day, right? It really freaked us out.” And I go “no….” the dad proceeds to tell me that he took his son’s video games away as a punishment, and in a fit of rage, the child dove headfirst into a wall and KNOCKED HIMSELF UNCONSCIOUS.
A little more than a “bruise”.
I could not quit laughing. Im picturing a 7 year old shrieking like a banshee, barreling across the floor, and taking flight with his hands at his side, convinced he’s gonna take the house down with him. It was bringing tears to my eyes. And how horribly the kid downplayed what had happened was just outrageous. Thankfully the dad had a good sense of humor and laughed with me too.
Had to tell two teachers (was a joint essay for AP Literature & American History classes) that the crazed ex-girlfriend of my mom’s boyfriend set fire to our house. Didn’t burn all the way down (she threw an incendiary through the window which landed on a waterbed, the fire put itself out once it had burned through the blankets), but heat and smoke damage pretty much destroyed everything on the inside.
The next morning I walk up to the lit teacher and say “I don’t have my homework, but I’ve got a _really_ good excuse”. She was notorious for not accepting excuses, but was very good-natured otherwise, so she laughed and asked to hear it. No problem, got a pass on that one.
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