“Unholy Heroes: Vatican City’s Sin-Sniffing Dog Unit Set to Uncover Hidden Secrets”
In a jaw-dropping twist that the Vatican might just take the crown for “Most Creative Law Enforcement Strategy,” the Corps of Gendarmerie has rolled out a brand new unit of highly-trained canine crime fighters—yes, you heard that right—sin-sniffing dogs! Imagine a squad of German shepherds, not just fetching sticks but instead hitting the ground to retrieve wayward souls from the clutches of moral decay. Sounds like the plot of a new holy roller action flick, doesn’t it? But here’s the kicker: these canine companions are allegedly equipped to sniff out any hint of venial sins, blasphemy, or, heaven forbid, idol-worship, even if you committed them hours before entering the Vatican City! With their noses seemingly fine-tuned for divine detection, these dogs will be barking up a storm over every misstep, from cursing to slacking on your confession schedule. Is it a miracle, or are we just barking mad? To catch more of this heavenly hysteria, click here to go down this amusingly absurd rabbit hole! LEARN MORE.
VATICAN CITY—In an effort to curb a rising number of immoral offenses, the Corps of Gendarmerie of Vatican City announced Friday the deployment of a new unit of highly trained sin-sniffing dogs. “This unit of elite K-9 officers has been taught to alert their handlers to sinful behavior by loudly barking and immediately engaging the impious subject in pursuit,†said a top official for the papal state’s police force, demonstrating in a live simulation how each of the 10 German shepherds could successfully sniff out any hell-bound miscreant within a mile radius. “They are highly attuned to the scent of any venial-grade blasphemy, heresy, or other disobedient action clearly forbidden in the Bible by the Lord God on High. Even if you’ve dishonored your mother and father at home—hours before stepping foot inside the boundaries of Vatican City—these dogs will still be able to sense it. One whiff of a golden calf and any idolaters in the vicinity will be rounded up within minutes. Remember that these are animals, and they can’t be responsible for what they do when they hear someone take the Lord’s name in vain. The only way to avoid reprimand is to live according to the Word of God, go to confession regularly, and donate heavily to your local parish.†At press time, the Corps of Gendarmerie of Vatican City outlined the funding needed for a fleet of Queen Hornet Supersized FPV bomber drones for apprehending mortal sinners.
The post Vatican City Police Unveil New Unit Of Sin-Sniffing Dogs appeared first on The Onion.
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