Unlock Hidden Treasures: Insider Secrets Every Aspiring Antiques Hunter Needs to Know
Is it just me, or does stepping into an antique store feel a bit like wandering through the attic of your most dramatic great-aunt—the one who swore her porcelain dolls moved by themselves if you looked away? The thrill! The musty aroma! Honestly, I sometimes wonder if the real antiques are the customers who mistake their car keys for skeleton keys (guilty, occasionally) . But let’s face it, the true test of a savvy shopper isn’t finding an authentic Herman Miller; it’s not biting down too hard and chipping a veneer or your tooth . If your idea of adventure includes deciphering the difference between “gently loved” and “was run over by a horse-drawn carriage in 1897,” you’re in the right place . I’ve wrangled a list of tips that’ll make even the most seasoned bargain-hunter reconsider their obsession with pale children-in-meadows paintings . Ready to upgrade your space with some truly questionable history? LEARN MORE.
Shopping for antiques can be a fun, sustainable, and stylish way to decorate your home. The Onion shares tips for antiquing.
Save time by having a clear idea of what kind of old shit you’re looking for.
Arrive in a van or truck large enough to fit 30+ paintings of pale children picking flowers.
Double check you’re in an antique store and not the home of an elderly hoarder.
Bite down on the chair to make sure it’s authentic Herman Miller.
Loudly ask vendors how much each item would go for on Pawn Stars.
Remember, if you’re not in the Antique region of Connecticut, it’s technically thrifting.
Be prepared to haggle with someone who is emotionally attached to a broken table.
Make sure your certificate of authenticity comes with its own certificate of authenticity.
Give up and buy something new that’s designed to look old.
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