“Unlock the Secrets: 71 Profound Lessons from Therapists That Transformed Lives Forever”
“Notice the feelings, like leaves on a river. Call them what they are, then let them go, let them float down the river past you. Don’t judge yourself for having them, and don’t engage with them. Simply acknowledge them, let them go, and move on.”
I remember these words vividly because it’s a coping strategy I use almost every day.
When you get married, realize that you’re marrying multiple people. Who you are and who your spouse is today isn’t going to be who they are 10-15 years from now.
Changed the way I view a lot of discussions with my partner ever since.
Think of past me and future me as completely different people. My decisions today don’t affect me. Because the me that makes those decisions will be gone – past me. Future me, a different person, has to live with the consequences. So treat that person with love and respect and don’t put him in bad or awkward situations.
My therapist and I were discussing how I felt about a pretty deep betrayal from my now ex-wife. I was beating myself up for not seeing how bad she really was when there was plenty of evidence. He wrote down something on his yellow notepad and then held it up right in my face, practically touching my nose.
He said “what’s that say?”
I couldn’t read it; it was too close to my face. Stepping back from it a bit, it could read it said “you’re too close to see it.” He was right. I was too close to the problems and the situation to have been able to see it where in retrospect it was so obvious. I stopped beating myself up over it and was able to let it go.
