“Unlocking Fear: 50 Haunting Words That Will Leave You Breathless and Bewildered”
Unfortunately, Dad died about a week later. I received a phone call in the middle of the night from his partner’s daughter. My phone was on silent so I never heard it ring. She left me a vm at 1am to call her as soon as I got the message. Apparently I didn’t call fast enough because at 3am (I was still sleeping) she called and left a vm that Dad was dead.
Unsettling in a different sense than most, but unsettling nonetheless:
I was at work one night in the hospital. Pretty unremarkable night. Woke up…in the ER…confused AF. My first words, to a coworker I know works the ER, who was standing there: “what’re you doin up here?”
She lets out a howling cackle, and says “I’m not up there. You’re down here. You had a seizure. Now you won’t be able to drive for a whole year!!” And is literally bent over snorting-laughing. I had no seizure history. In that moment it felt like my entire life was a snow globe that got shook up and smashed on the ground. I still think about it sometimes. A reminder that your words (and your affect in general) matter.
Thanksgiving day 2007, my 15yo son, in hospice care, wakes up. Says tzeide Pinchas, my great grandfather wanted me to know he was proud of me and that he, my son, wanted to go home. He died 2 hours later. My great grandfather died in KZ Treblinka following the liquidation of Łodz ghetto.
Things my parents said to me after I was r*ped. My dad said I was stupid and it was my own fault and my mum told me I had ruined his life by pressing charges and taking him to court. My mum also recently told me that she doesn’t like spending time with me, and that my sister is a nicer and better person than me. Other things she has said about my weight. Sore.
The last conversation I had with my father 20 years ago. “If that’s the worst you saw, then you’re doing pretty good.” We were speaking about the abuse I saw as a child.
One of my friends became obsessed with my pregnancy and later my child, but never in a positive/good way.
When I was pregnant, and she was too, she never stopped telling me I could still have a miscarriage, the child could still have birth defects, my belly was too small and therefor, according to her, there was no way the baby could be healthy.
