“Unlocking Feline Secrets: Cat Scientists Discover Mysterious ‘Third Food’ That Defies Wet and Dry!”
In a world where food options for our feline friends are neatly categorized into “wet” or “dry,” a groundbreaking symposium in Cambridge has shaken the very foundations of our understanding of cat cuisine. Imagine this—what if there exists a mysterious third type of cat food, tantalizingly trapped outside the constraints of our classical binary? Leading the charge with wild theories and a dash of feline flair, esteemed kibble theorist Sneakers pondered this enigma. Could this novel nosh potentially contain flavors and textures we’ve never even dreamed of? We’re talking about a food that isn’t just “mystery meat” in a can, but perhaps plucked from some fantastical container beyond our current comprehension! As Sneakers quipped—with a twinkle in his eye—that one could most likely scarf down an entire bowl of this theoretical treat at lightning speed, only to regret it immediately afterward—because, let’s be real, that’s just classic cat behavior! So what might this means for us humans? Buckle up, cat lovers—it’s about to get purrplexing!
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Pondering a hypothetical that, if proven, would fundamentally alter feline understanding of the universe, the nation’s foremost cat scientists held a symposium Friday to discuss a theoretical third food type that was neither wet nor dry. “Consider a world in which food is not split into the binary we have always known, but exists outside the paradigm of wetness and dryness,” said leading kibble theorist Sneakers, explaining that the ubiquity of divergent foodstuffs such as lickable treats and cat grass suggested the possibility of an entirely different state of edible matter. “Of course, sitting here today, we can barely comprehend what this food would be like. It would presumably possess characteristics unlike anything we’ve encountered—for example, it could be constructed of something other than seafood, poultry, or even chunks of real beef. This hypothetical food also might not come from a can or out of a big bag, but instead from some sort of container we cannot even conceive of.” Sneakers concluded his remarks by noting that no matter the exact makeup of this third food type, it would almost certainly be possible to eat an entire bowl of it so fast that you immediately threw up.
The post Cat Scientists Theorize About Third Type Of Food That Neither Wet Nor Dry appeared first on The Onion.
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