“Unmasking Beauty: What Your Reflection Really Says About You”
I’m probably overthinking it, but last week I drove by a school and these kids were making the puke gesture and pointing at me. I just pretended not to notice, but honestly, it shook me to my clunky, stainless-steel core. I always assumed kids thought I was cool because I’m metallic and futuristic and everything, but apparently not, because why would they make that gesture unless I actually made them want to puke?
Am I really that hideous? You’d tell me if I was, right?
I’m really starting to wonder, because people have walked past me on the sidewalk and called me things like a nasty old corrugated roof on wheels. And then yesterday this guy tapped his girlfriend on the shoulder, turned in my direction, and said, “Looks like a Transformer took a shit.” I know he was talking about me because the only other car on the road was a cute little Mini Cooper, and they don’t look like any kind of shit, never mind a Transformer’s shit.
This may sound weird, but sometimes when I’m driving down the street, I’ll roll past a storefront, see my reflection in its window, and think, “Hey, I look pretty sleek.” That’s what happens on a good day. More and more, though, when I catch a glimpse of my super awkward body all I can think about is that maybe I’m not sleek or beautiful at all. Maybe I actually look stupid as fuck.
On the one hand, I know that’s just a negative voice in my head. But on the other, a guy who saw me in a parking lot this morning didn’t even bother to lower his voice when he said I looked like a dishwasher fucked a Robocop.
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