“Unmasking the Mayor: Brandon Johnson Reveals Shocking Truths Behind Chicago’s Biggest Challenges”
The Onion: How are you addressing the migrant crisis?
Johnson: I hired a guy to tamper with Greg Abbott’s buses so they break down in Missouri.
The Onion: What’s something that has surprised you during your time as mayor?
Johnson: Apparently Chicago isn’t the capital of Illinois, which still feels so fucked up to me.
The Onion: What motivates you?
Johnson: Knowing that I’m the mayor and if I don’t go to work, they’ll write about it in the paper.
The Onion: We have a message for you from the teachers’ union: “The raven lands at midnight.”
Johnson: Oh dear God, no, not yet, they told me I had more time!
The Onion: Where should DNC tourists go while they’re here?
Johnson: Definitely check out the basement where Barack Obama smoked weed for the first time then freaked out and tried to take his shirt off, and then threw up in the shirt.
The post The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson appeared first on The Onion.
