Unmasking the Senator: Is His Christian Faith Just a Political Disguise?

Ever wonder what’s hiding behind a politician’s carefully practiced smile? Honestly, some days I’m convinced they’re all just auditioning for the world’s most dramatic mask contest . So, I wasn’t exactly shocked—but absolutely delighted—when I saw Sen. Josh Hawley boldly confess that his Christian faith isn’t just part of his image, it’s the costume he wears at breakfast and on the Senate floor . Shameless, sure, but in a way I almost have to respect the dedication—method acting at the highest level! Is there a Sunday-school Oscar I’m missing out on? Strap in for The Onion’s latest dive into the theatrical side of politics, where faith isn’t just professed, but performed . <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/ChristianFaithImportant-NIB-PH-R.jpg”>LEARN MORE

WASHINGTON—Stressing that the facade informs nearly every aspect of his daily life, Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) told reporters Thursday that his Christian faith is an important part of who he pretends to be. “Whether I’m delivering a speech calling for theocracy in front of dozens of cameras or talking to my children at the kitchen table about God’s separate roles for men and women, I mean it when I say the mask I wear in public is the same one I wear at home,” said the 45-year-old lawmaker, who confirmed that Christianity has been the foundation of his public-facing identity ever since he was a shameless young prep school student with his sights set on Yale Law School. “The power of telling people you pray is incredible. My Christian faith is a pretense that’s only grown stronger as I’ve aged. It’s so strong that, sometimes, I almost forget it’s all an act.” At press time, Hawley added that he is grateful to represent all of his Christian constituents through the faith he uses as a guise to seek power.