“Unraveling the Skies: How Trump’s Budget Cuts Threaten the Safety of America’s Air Travel”

In a move that has left both aviators and armchair pilots scratching their heads, President Donald Trump has announced a decision that sounds like it was ripped straight from a comedy skit—unplugging the giant magnet that keeps planes in the air. As thousands of aircraft plummet from the sky, the president proudly declares that cutting off the electromagnet is a crucial step in saving taxpayers billions, because who needs gravity-defying technology, right? It raises the question: Is his next big idea to simply wave goodbye to all forms of public transit next? After all, why should planes and trains get special treatment when we could all just embrace walking? This bizarre twist in aviation policy has everyone talking, especially with Trump’s mention of consulting Elon Musk about an even “bigger magnet” to make flying somehow more extravagant. And let’s not forget—Air Force One will still be soaring above it all, magnet-powered and fabulous! What a tangled web of bizarre logic and humor! <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/TrumpCutbacksNIBGPH.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

WASHINGTON—With thousands of aircraft suddenly falling out of the sky after the power was turned off, President Donald Trump announced cutbacks this week that forced the Federal Aviation Administration to unplug the giant magnet that keeps planes in the air. “This electromagnet, which I’ve order to be immediately shut down, is wastefully costing taxpayers tens of billions each year to allow freeloading planes to remain airborne,” said Trump, explaining that he instructed aides to remove the magnet’s massive extension cord from the national surge protector to end the over century-long era in which the U.S. relied on magnetic forces to keep airplanes aloft. “I’ve asked Elon to tour the facility and look into installing an even bigger magnet that will help larger planes fly even higher in the sky, which I can assure you will be the envy of the world. We are also examining the extravagant and very costly spring system that propels our nation’s trains.” At press time, Trump failed to mention that the magnet keeping Air Force One suspended in flight would continue to operate without interruption.