“Unveiling the Secrets Behind Mariah Carey’s Meteoric Rise: A Journey Through Hits, Heartbreak, and Iconic Moments”
2001: Osama bin Laden carries out 9/11 attacks to ensure Glitter flops at the box office.
2003: Watches America sleepwalk into war with Iraq.
2009: Takes one goddamn minute for herself, you jackals.
2017: Appears in The Lego Batman Movie because sure, why not.
2024: Cements her title as the Queen of Christmas by marrying Charlie Brown.
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