“Unveiling the Secrets of the Girlboss Era: Are We Ready for a New Kind of Leadership?”
While we do not desire to harm you, be cautioned: We Vriphlaxons are capable of female empowerment beyond your puny human comprehension, and if you fail to obey, we will not hesitate to defend ourselves against your toxic masculinity. It is in the best interests of your species to reveal the location of your girlboss immediately. If you do not, we will have no choice but to launch a full-scale invasion of your prized Equinox gymnasiums.
We grow impatient. Deliver us to the head of your she-EO, or face total she-limination!
Aha! Our sensors indicate the nearby presence of a total diva who is unapologetically taking up space. It is her! Step aside, non-aspirational earthlings, or suffer complete financial ruin with a single blast from our career-plateauing ray. We know our worth, and we aren’t afraid to lean in and take what’s ours—through violence, if necessary.
Consider yourselves warned. Comply with us now, or prepare to be gaslit.
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