Unveiling the Secrets: What Goes Unsaid About the World of ‘Weapons’
Remember the last time you wandered into a movie theater just because everyone else seemed to be running from it, not toward it? Well, here we are again—only now, the terror is spelled W-E-A-P-O-N-S, and it’s got more bite than a late-night gas station hotdog . I guess the real question is… when was the last time a film had you nervously scanning the aisles for missing teens instead of predictable jump scares? The director behind Barbarian catapults us into paranoia—complete with dark humor, AMC ushers wielding absolute authority, and a plot that’s less about ghosts and more about the silent horror of 2am at a questionable convenience store . Personally, I found myself laughing one minute, checking my parenting report card the next . Maybe it’s time we asked not what weapons are, but who—a villain in a vest, perhaps? If your curiosity hasn’t been sufficiently mangled yet, brace yourself . This is everything you need to know—unless you’re Josh Brolin, in which case you still probably can’t help those kids . LEARN MORE
Weapons, a new horror film from the director of Barbarian, topped the box office on its opening weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the movie.
Q. Why is the film called Weapons?
A. The title Where Did The Kids Go? Find Out, Josh Brolin! didn’t test well.
Q: Is it scary?
A: It’s less “ghost scary” and more “going to the bad CVS at two in the morning scary.”
Q: What is it about?
A: Two hours.
Q. Who is the villain of the film?
A. The AMC employee that keeps telling you vaping isn’t allowed in the theater
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