“Unveiling the Surprising Costs: How Much Are Parents Really Spending on Back-to-School Essentials?”
As the summer sun begins to dip and the back-to-school banners pop up like daisies after a spring rain, families across the nation are gearing up for the annual ritual of hunting down school supplies! Now, deep down, we all know that this isn’t just about pencils and paper—oh no! It’s a full-blown expedition fraught with the pressures of social status, unspoken schoolyard hierarchies, and enough glue to stick your child’s fingers together for the next decade.
So, what do the numbers say about this phenomenon? In this amusing deep dive, *The Onion* breaks down the shocking statistics lurking behind back-to-school shopping. You might question whether your kid really needs 64 different colored crayons to avoid being labeled “poor” or if that third pair of scissors is truly a necessity—because let’s be honest, they probably end up crafting a perilous paper mache volcano with one pair anyway! And don’t even get me started on the cost of school supplies these days, including the medical bills for that incident involving the eraser and a particularly curious nose. She’s a classic overachiever, isn’t she?
Join me as we sift through these hilarious yet unsettling figures that illustrate just how absurd our back-to-school prep has become! Grab that shopping list—it’s about to get wild!
Across the country, millions of K-12 students and their families are loading up their shopping carts as they prepare for the start of another school year. The Onion takes a look at the statistics behind back-to-school shopping.
64: Minimum number of different colored crayons required for child not to be considered poor
46%: Portion of Elmer’s glue bottle applied directly to hands
3: Scissors? Per kid? Are you fucking kidding me?
2: The only type of pencil with which it is possible to learn
3: Seemingly innocuous T-shirts that will lead to a decade of bullying
12,000: Mom-and-pop backpackeries closed in the last five years
50: Milligram Vyvanse prescription just to pull a C+ average
18: Important handouts already lost
$220: Average cost of a medical bill for removal of eraser child stuck up own nose
1: Pair of perfectly good Crocs you already have at at home, young man
The post Back-To-School Shopping By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion.
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