“Unveiling the Unseen: Why Hollywood Thinks Vander Veer Botanical Park Needs a Subtle Introduction”
In a world where film audiences are often underestimated, one particular movie chyron has sparked outrage akin to a theater riot—yes, I’m talking about the moment a viewer was confronted with the sequentially simple yet utterly condescending chyron reading “Davenport, IA” while clearly gazing at Vander Veer Botanical Park. Seriously, does anyone really think that folks need a neon sign flashing “We’re in Davenport!” when they’re already eyeing its picturesque Grand Allée? It’s a reminder of how far we’ve come, or rather, how low some filmmakers think they can take us! I mean, what’s next—a chyron declaring “August” while we’re knee-deep in sweltering summer? Get ready to dive into the amusing fallout as disgruntled moviegoers like Marshall Helms question not only their ticket price but also the faith that film studios have in their audience’s intelligence. You won’t want to miss this absurd look at how far we might’ve strayed from trusting our viewers to piece together a locale’s significance. <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/MovieChyronNIBIHAGR-copy.jpg”>LEARN MORE.
NEW YORK—In a move widely criticized as insulting the intelligence of viewers, a movie chyron reportedly drew outrage Wednesday for reading “Davenport, IA” as if it wasn’t glaringly obvious that the establishing shot was of Vander Veer Botanical Park. “Yeah, no shit we’re in Davenport, IA—do they really think I need that spelled out for me when I’m looking right at Vander Veer Botanical Park’s historic Grand Allée?” said moviegoer Marshall Helms, who added that he had half a mind to demand a refund if the movie was going to continue with the condescending bullshit. “I can infer the setting from Vander Veer’s iconic Stone Fountain without some stupid chyron holding my hand the whole goddamn time, thanks. It’s probably just for international viewers, but I still find it demeaning when films have so little faith in their audience. I’m not some uncultured swine who will see Davenport’s Municipal Rose Garden and confuse it for the fucking Quad City Botanical Center without the movie’s help.” At press time, Helms reportedly stormed out of the theater after a second chyron reading “November” was overlaid on an unmistakable shot of Vander Veer Conservatory’s annual Chrysanthemum Festival.
