Vanishing Into the Sky: Marine’s Final Glimpse Raises Chilling Questions for Those Left Below

Ever watched a city disappear beneath you and thought, “Welp, hope they make it”—with just a pinch of existential dread and a dash of sarcasm? That’s pretty much the mood aboard Hunter Wade’s CH-53E Super Stallion as he soared skyward, a single, dramatic tear marking his “farewell” to the culinary labyrinths and opulent condos of Los Angeles . I mean, honestly, at what point does “saving” Rodeo Drive start to feel like repeatedly unplugging your Keurig because it keeps flooding the kitchen? There’s something oddly cathartic about picturing battle-hardened marines wistfully regretting they couldn’t stick around for a matcha latte—but, hey, sometimes all you can do is drop the last payload of napalm and hope West Hollywood figures things out. Jump into the full story if you dare wonder just what it would take for the universe to explain L.A. to itself. LEARN MORE

LOS ANGELES—Shedding a single tear as rows of ramen shops and luxury apartments shrunk in the distance, 26-year-old marine Hunter Wade reportedly wondered Tuesday what would become of the innocent Angelenos he was leaving behind as his CH-53E Super Stallion helicopter ascended into the sky. “We tried to help as many as we could, but at the end of the day, we can’t take them with us—God help them,” said the marine, who gazed wistfully as dozens of confused Los Angeles residents watched his force’s withdrawal, admitting that that he never wanted to return to the utter carnage of Rodeo Drive. “We did some good, but ultimately you can only do so much in the time they gave us. This place is hell. What kind of god would allow a place like Los Angeles to happen?” At press time, the helicopter was spotted dropping one final payload of napalm on all of West Hollywood before heading back to base.