What Really Happened When Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom Ignored Each Other Naked on the Water?

Wouldn’t life be a lot less complicated if, just once, you could paddle away from your ex and never lock eyes again? But then—bam!—the Tyrrhenian Sea, of all places, becomes ground zero for history repeating itself in the boldest way imaginable. I mean, is there anything more mortifying than playing “Who Saw Whom First?” while stark naked, balancing atop a wobbly paddleboard, and praying to every Italian sea god that Orlando Bloom isn’t about to comment on the water temperature? Oh, the levels of secondhand embarrassment I’m experiencing just imagining Katy Perry desperately clinging to composure—while, apparently, violating every rule of “No Eye Contact With Exes While Nude.” If you think your vacation horror stories are top-tier, wait till you catch this splashy celebrity encounter off Sardinia’s sun-drenched coast . LEARN MORE

CAGLIARI, ITALY—Groaning as they both realized the other unclothed person on the water was indeed their ex, Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom reportedly pretended not to see each other Monday when they inadvertently crossed paths while naked paddleboarding off the coast of Sardinia. “Oh no, you’ve got to be kidding me—what the hell is he doing in the Tyrrhenian Sea?” the pop star said under her breath, attempting to maintain a neutral expression and stare straight ahead as she glided closer and closer to the 48-year-old actor, who was pointedly doing the same. “Of all the people I could have run into, it had to be him. Come on, Katy. Play it cool. Just pretend you don’t see him. He probably doesn’t even notice you. Oh no, don’t look at his penis!” At press time, Perry had reportedly dived off her paddleboard after spotting Russell Brand.