What Surprising Advice Did Andy Reid Whisper to Travis Kelce About His Wedding Night?

Ever wonder if your football coach might be the secret ingredient to having a flawless wedding night? I mean, who among us hasn’t yearned for a seasoned play-caller to diagram the X’s and O’s of romance—with bobbleheads, no less? Here’s Andy Reid, Kansas City’s culinary wizard and gridiron sage, trading his laminated play sheet for a truly unique birds-and-bees chalk talk aimed squarely at Travis Kelce. It’s equal parts sideline strategy and, well, let’s just say “intimacy fundamentals.” There’s something almost touching (plus very, very weird) about diagramming “basic formations” for the bedroom—reminding us all that sometimes, the key to success isn’t creativity, but rock-solid knowledge of the playbook. Will Kelce rise to the occasion—or fumble at the goal line? This is peak football absurdity, sauced with a dash of endearing awkwardness. LEARN MORE

KANSAS CITY, MO—Stressing that preparation was important both on and off the field, Chiefs head coach Andy Reid reportedly sat tight end Travis Kelce down Friday to gently go over what would be expected of him on his wedding night. “The keys to performing your best in the bedroom are proper positioning and situational awareness,” said Reid, setting two bobblehead dolls on a table and using them to demonstrate “basic formations” of conjugal intimacy while the 10-time Pro Bowler attentively took notes. “We’ll go over some tape so you know what to anticipate, but when the moment comes, I want you to just stick to the fundamentals. Don’t get fancy. Stay composed, find holes, and respond to your matchup’s movements. Oh, and just know she’ll probably want you to take your helmet off.” Sources confirmed Reid ended the meeting by reminding Kelce that, when the time comes, he would be on a headset in the next room should the tight end need support.