Why a Shocking 400% Pay Hike for Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Is Only the Beginning

Ever wondered what it feels like to get a 400% raise and still have no idea what your actual paycheck looks like? Welcome to the glamorous (confusing?) world of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, where pay bumps are shrouded in more secrecy than a magician’s second act and nobody’s seen an actual number since decimal points were invented . The only thing more mysterious than their salaries might be the human capacity for “cheer,” and let’s be honest—shouldn’t there be a scoreboard for that? As someone who’s seen enough Google updates to know nothing lasts forever (except maybe Jerry Jones), I’m genuinely tickled, baffled, and just a smidge salty that I too am not getting a surprise quadruple salary hike simply for looking good in sequins. So, is a triple-digit raise for flinging pom-poms revolutionary—an overdue nod to undervalued labor—or just another NFL publicity stunt to distract us from, say, players’ “settlement” funds? Oh, the questions! If you’ve ever calculated your worth in “cheer units” or just want to snoop the speculative numbers, you’re in for a treat. LEARN MORE.

According to members of the team, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders received a 400% raise last season, with specific rates having not been released. What do you think?

“The honor of dancing for Jerry Jones should be payment enough.”

Arturo Perez, Unemployed

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“But that money could’ve paid for at least two players’ assault settlements!”

Cody Sielawa, Rhyme Slanter

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“I thought they were paid on commission based on how much cheer they bring.”

Rachel Leak, Profanity Expunger