“Why a Simple Wedding Gift List Turned into a Billion-Dollar Launchpad: The Surprising Story Behind Jeff Bezos’ Last Registry Item”

In a world where wedding registries have transformed into showcases of extravagance, local man George Yorkin found himself in a comical yet stressful predicament upon discovering the only unclaimed item left on Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez’s wedding registry: a staggering $290 million rocket booster. That’s right—while most grooms might have opted for toaster ovens or fancy china, Bezos evidently went for the stars, literally! As Yorkin bemoaned his poor timing in gift-giving, one can’t help but wonder: how do you put a price tag on friendship in the age of billionaires? Between credit card points and what sounds like the world’s most luxurious reception dinner, George’s anxious musings perfectly capture the absurdity of trying to keep up with the über-wealthy. So, grab a seat and join us as we dive into this hilariously relatable tale of one man’s dilemma amidst unprecedented opulence. <a href="https://theonion.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/01/ManGroansNIB_PH.jpg”>LEARN MORE.

SEATTLE—Kicking himself for not purchasing a gift sooner, local man George Yorkin reportedly groaned Tuesday upon learning that the only thing left on the Jeff Bezos–Lauren Sánchez wedding registry was a new rocket booster. “Oh, shit, it’s $290 million?” the visibly annoyed Yorkin said as he stared at the Zola page for the Amazon billionaire and his fiancée, wondering aloud if it was too close to the wedding date to simply back out of attending. “I should have snatched up the silverware while I had the chance. Goddammit. And of course he chose the most expensive engine on the market. Whatever. At least I’ll earn credit card points. The reception dinner better be fucking delicious.” At press time, Yorkin was said to be panicking after he received a notification that it would take six years to construct the engine.