Why Has No One Chosen This Unforgettable Shelter Dog?

Have you ever wondered what it really takes for a shelter dog to become that irresistible Instagram sensation—or at least land a decent forever home instead of a one-way trip to Euthanasia City? Listen, the shelter game is more cutthroat than a Hollywood casting call for child actors. One minute you’re a lovable mutt with a tragic backstory and kind eyes, the next? Apparently you’re a “total flop” who can’t even master the fine art of tongue-dangling . Honestly, it’s a ruff world out there. I looked at that photo—big, brown puppy dog eyes and a certain je ne sais quoi of “please don’t judge me by my crate posture”—and I felt my sequined soul ache just a little bit . But hey, maybe this so-called underwhelming furball just hasn’t found his brand yet. Want to meet the shelter dog who (at least for now) simply doesn’t have “it?” LEARN MORE.

LOS ANGELES—Declaring that some animals simply “got the goods” and “you know it when you see it,” officials at a local animal shelter confirmed Thursday that a newly acquired rescue dog lacked the X factor required to be adopted. “We’re looking for a little razzle-dazzle, and all we got is this total dud cowering in the corner of his crate,” said veterinary assistant Amanda Field, adding that despite a few good photos and a great tragic backstory, what the dull mutt brought to the table was not exactly going to land him in a forever home. “This dog lacks style and confidence. Just comes off as a complete flop. If he thinks he’s gonna make it here, he either needs to get way uglier, or way cuter—and fast! Start dangling that tongue out of your mouth, see what that gets you.” Field went on to state that if the shelter dog didn’t shape up soon, she’d have no choice but to give him a “one-way ticket to Euthanasia City.”