Why Is Iowa Urgently Chilling Mayo Dishes? The Emergency Behind New Cooling Stations

Ever looked at a picnic table in the dead heat of July and wondered: Who’s looking out for the real summer victims—those brave, mayo-packed salads sweating it out under an angry sun? I mean, potato salad’s basically white-collar crime in a bowl when the thermometer spikes, right? Here we are, worrying about sunburns, while somewhere in Des Moines, seven-layer dip is clinging to life, one humid gasp at a time . It’s a hilarious but oddly touching vision—civic-minded officials mobilizing not for the people, but to shield coleslaw and macaroni salad from becoming biological weapons at the family potluck . Iowa, with its deep-fried compassion, is rolling out state-funded AC just so Aunt Marge’s tuna surprise won’t turn into a CDC case study . Makes you think about priorities—are we really doing enough for our most vulnerable casseroles? Anyway, buckle in, because these cooling stations might just restore your faith in humanity. Or, at least, save your lunch . LEARN MORE.

DES MOINES, IA—Rushing to deploy the temporary infrastructure as a heatwave enveloped the region, Iowa officials announced Monday that they would open emergency cooling stations to provide relief to mayo-based dishes. “Effective immediately, we’re installing portable air-conditioners and power misters across the state to ensure our mayonnaise-filled salads make it through this heatwave safely,” said Emergency Management Director John Benson, urging residents in Iowa City, Cedar Rapids, and dozens of other metropolitan areas to consult the agency’s website to find spaces where their potato salads, mixed-vegetable casseroles, and seven-layer dips could stay cool during the week’s sweltering heat. “Too many tuna salads are lost every year after being left to warm over in the hot sun. That these are preventable losses only makes it even more heartbreaking to see. Just remember: When you see the top layer of your side dish start to sweat, it might already be past the point of no return.” At press time, Iowa authorities had begun circulating a tips page warning that macaroni salads were much more sensitive to extreme heat than a full-grown adult.