Why Is JD Vance Stirring Up Controversy in Utah?

What’s the emotional equivalent of stepping in gum right before a blind date? Apparently, it’s waking up in Utah and hearing that JD Vance, vice president himself, is inbound—because why wouldn’t that be exactly what Utah needs right now? Sometimes life hands you lemons and sometimes it insists on sending you the most unexpected guests, just as you’re barely holding it together. Do you ever wonder if states have a secret group chat where they warn each other about surprise political visits? Because rumor has it, Arizona’s ready to jump in as Utah’s stunt double (I’d pay good money to see that on reality TV) . If you think your week’s been wild, you might want to sit down for this…(I mean, what’s next? A flash mob in the Salt Flats?)LEARN MORE.

SALT LAKE CITY—Alarmed by numerous reports that the vice president was currently en route to the state, sources confirmed Thursday that a visit from JD Vance was the last thing Utah needed right now. “We’re already going through a lot, but to add JD Vance on top of everything else?” said one Utah resident, who pleaded for anyone with contacts in the vice president’s office to put a stop to his trip immediately. “Ugh, the last few days have been really hard. And suddenly we’ve got JD Vance coming to Utah. Now whose idea was that? It’s been utter chaos here, and now they just want to rub salt in the wound.” At press time, Arizona had reportedly volunteered to pretend to be Utah.