“Why One Toddler’s Pajama-Clad Table Stakes Left Dining Patrons Green with Envy!”

Is there anything more envy-inducing than a toddler living their best life while we adults, in our unforgiving dress shirts, suffer through another tedious dinner conversation? Picture this: a local restaurant in Albuquerque transformed into a veritable haven of jealousy as every diner cast longing glances at a blissful 2-year-old snug in his pajamas, glued to an iPad, snickering at the shenanigans of Bandit and Chilli from *Bluey*. Meanwhile, the rest of us are here, navigating the social minefield of osso buco and forced laughter as if we’re actors in a farcical comedy about adulthood. What do we have to do to get that level of comfort at a restaurant—trade our wine and cheese platters for a bright red toy fire truck? As if that weren’t enough, the little one even cracked the code to restroom breaks by opting for the simple joy of not having to walk there at all! Clearly, this diner is winning at life while the rest of us muse about what we’d give to trade places, just for a moment of that pure, unbridled bliss.
ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Expressing their envy at the child’s obviously superior dining experience, everyone sitting in a local restaurant Monday was reportedly jealous of a toddler who got to wear his pajamas and watch an iPad for the whole meal. “I can’t believe this! He doesn’t even have to talk to anybody or pay attention to what’s going on around him—he gets to just sit and watch Bluey,” said Ray’s Italian Bistro patron Finn Delamore, echoing the sentiment of dozens around him who reportedly couldn’t help but cast longing looks at the 2-year-old whose eyes were glued to the screen in front of him, his hands clasping a bright red toy fire truck. “Look at him sitting there in those comfortable jammies, laughing his ass off at Bandit and Chilli as he chows down on little pieces of cut-up chicken. Meanwhile, I’m in my stiff dress shirt, making stilted conversation and eating osso buco like an asshole. What I wouldn’t give to trade places with him.” At press time, onlookers had become even more jealous after the toddler got to relieve himself without even having to walk all the way to the restroom. 

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