Why Was Joe Burrow Shockingly Turned Away From the Hospital Despite Being an NFL Star?
Is this what peak athleticism looks like in America—an MVP quarterback reduced to arguing with a health insurance phone tree while his turf toe quietly throbs, plotting its own gritty comeback? Seriously, is there anything more poetic than seeing Joe Burrow, the man who can decode blitz packages at lightning speed, brought to his knees by the labyrinthine world of out-of-network deductibles and half-baked health portals? It’s almost comforting in a dystopian way—million-dollar contracts, meet the $50 copay. As I read this, I couldn’t decide which made me wince harder: the thought of Burrow limping into a CVS MinuteClinic, or the vision of him locked in an existential standoff with “Medical Mutual of Ohio” on a crash-prone website. Who needs linebackers when you’ve got America’s healthcare system on defense? LEARN MORE
CINCINNATI—Explaining that the ongoing ordeal has added stress to an already difficult week, Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow expressed frustration Friday after the hospital he visited to treat his recent foot injury reportedly refused to accept the team’s health insurance plan. “I’m supposed to get my turf toe operated on, but the hospital apparently is out of network, and they’re saying I need to make a separate appointment with my PCP just so he can refer me to a specialist who can verify my claim is medically necessary,” said Burrow, adding that the Bengals’ Medical Mutual of Ohio insurance plan only covered three foot and ankle surgeons in the state, all of whom were located more than 100 miles away from the quarterback’s home. “Also, their goddamn website is down, so I’ve been on the phone with them all morning trying to make an appointment, and—wait, hello? Hello? Jesus, fuck, did they just disconnect me again? You gotta be shitting me.” At press time, sources confirmed Burrow was at a CVS MinuteClinic inquiring whether the nurse practitioner knew how to repair torn foot ligaments.
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