“Zoological Experts Suggest Gorilla’s Dull Stare Hints at Unacknowledged Passion for Gothic Literature”
In an unusual twist of fate that seems almost too on-the-nose for the animal kingdom, Chicago’s Lincoln Park Zoo has become the backdrop for a novel scenario—pun intended. Meet Nzinga, a 300-pound western lowland gorilla who, instead of swinging from the trees or munching on bananas, has opted to immerse himself in the pages of *Wuthering Heights*, looking every bit like a scholar trapped in a midterm crisis. I mean, really, can you imagine being a silverback with nothing but Brontë’s angst-ridden melodrama to entertain you? One can’t help but wonder what the wildlife leaders behind this exhibit were thinking—wasn’t it enough to give the guy an old tire or at least a classic spy thriller? The captive soul’s apparent ennui has left onlookers scratching their heads and crossing their arms in indignation—any chance we can upgrade his reading list or, let’s not kid ourselves, his living conditions? For more on this absurd yet poignant spectacle, check out the full article. LEARN MORE.
CHICAGO—Observing the 300-pound captive ape from the other side of his enclosure, Lincoln Park Zoo guests expressed empathy this week for western lowland gorilla Nzinga, who looked bored out of his mind reading Wuthering Heights.
Concerned visitors reported seeing the 26-year-old silverback resting his head on his hairy fist as he stared down at the pages of the classic tale about social class, passion, and revenge, which, with the exception of a few plants and rocks, was seemingly the only enrichment item within the exhibit at his disposal. According to sources, Nzinga’s posture slumped lower and lower throughout the afternoon as he plodded through the turgid prose of the 1847 gothic novel by Emily Brontë.
“Poor thing. Imagine being forced to sit in a cage all day with nothing to do but read about Heathcliff pacing around a mansion and growing bitter with resentment through the years,” said 43-year-old Elmhurst, IL resident Angela Kreusler, who sighed and shook her head as she watched the great ape fidget with the corner of a page. “It’s such a shame. Gorillas need constant stimulus. You can tell he’s not engaged. Just look at the way he yawns every time he turns a page.”
“Can’t they at least give him a Jack Reacher book or something?” added Kreusler, crossing her arms in indignation.
Zoo visitors told reporters they feared that the inadequate living conditions in the enclosure would cause further suffering for the gorilla, observing that Nzinga was less than one-third of the way through the novel and had ahead of him hundreds of pages detailing the tedious and confusing lives of Cathy, Catherine, Heathcliff, Linton Heathcliff, Hindley, and Hareton, among numerous other impossible-to-keep-track-of characters.
“Locking up animals like this without any other entertainment options is simply immoral and cruel,” said 29-year-old William Torres, who pledged to never return to any zoo after taking in the depressing sight of the gorilla nearly nodding off while reading the novel. “I just wish I could reach in there and hand him the SparkNotes. He doesn’t even have access to a family tree explaining how those living at Thrushcross Grange and Wuthering Heights are related to each other. No wonder he’s so miserable.”
At press time, animal rights activists were demanding zookeepers give Nzinga an electronic device so he could watch videos or play Doodle Jump.
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