Inside the Chamber of Secrets: GOP Insiders Swear They Met McConnell in a Body Bag
Ever find yourself wondering just how far political alliances can stretch—perhaps all the way to the morgue? Well, pull up a chair, because the latest page from the “Only in Washington” playbook reads more like a midnight séance than a Senate update . I mean, I’ve seen some cold political friendships, but this one’s literally zipped up in a body bag . When your colleagues start waxing nostalgic about your leadership skills over a slab in the meat locker, it’s probably time to reevaluate your networking strategy . Or maybe that’s just another day at the office for Mitch McConnell and his merry band of GOP stalwarts! Politics isn’t dead, but apparently, it’s at least chillin’ on ice . Ready for one of the most hilariously macabre Capitol Hill powwows ever staged? LEARN MORE
WASHINGTON—Relieved that their colleague appeared to be the very same man they’d known for years, allies of Sen. Mitch McConnell told reporters Friday they had recently met with the seven-term Kentucky Republican inside a body bag. “Like so many Americans, we had our concerns about Mitch, but when the technician unzipped that vinyl pouch and let me crawl in next to him, I knew there was nothing to worry about,” said Senate Majority Leader John Thune, noting that McConnell was quiet and appeared contemplative throughout the visit as leading Republican lawmakers shared the latest news from Capitol Hill. “No, he wasn’t running his mouth and waving his arms around, but that’s because he’s always been more of a subtle tactician. When they reinserted him into cold storage, I was more confident than ever that he’d help us retain our majority in the Senate. Seeing him motionless for 90 minutes the way we’re used to really lifted our spirits, and I for one was glad to feel so silly about my anxiety.” Thune added that he couldn’t help but smile when McConnell’s rigid hand shattered as he shook it, just like always.
Joking Hazard Enlarged Box Empty Box for Card Storage
$12.00 (as of July 9, 2026 23:27 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Supa Ant Canning Supplies Starter Kit (Food Grade) - Canning Kits Set for Beginners - 3 Pcs. Including Wide Mouth Jar Funnel, Magnetic Lid Lifter, Stainless Steel Jar Lifter (Assembled in USA) Blue
$9.99 (as of July 9, 2026 23:27 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
RIVER OF GOODS Alabaster LED Mesh Caged Ceiling Fan - 52" L X 52" W - White/Oak Wood-Grain Blades
(as of July 9, 2026 23:27 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
RIVER OF GOODS Mid-Century Modern Transitional LED Bronze Chrome Ceiling Fan - 52" L x 52" W - Rich Barnwood/Light Driftwood Fan Blades - Metallic Ceiling Fan with Light and Fabric Shade
(as of July 9, 2026 23:27 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)
Post Comment