The One Safety Mistake Students Make Every Morning — And How to Avoid It
Remember when back-to-school just meant a whirlwind morning dash and a perpetually lost left sneaker? What ever happened to the good old days when the biggest hazard on the commute was tripping over a rogue Trapper Keeper? Reality check: these days, prepping your kid for the journey to school has taken on the complexity of a Mission: Impossible sequel—minus Tom Cruise, but possibly including a haunted shortcut (I see you, old Guilford place) or a bus driver who could use either a gallon of espresso or a full-body nap . Should you cycle in a neon helmet or just transform into a three-row SUV to claim ultimate road power? Which is safer—inventing an invisibility cloak, or just convincing your child to leave the fox, chicken, and grain at home? I spend my days knee-deep in SEO, so trust me, “optimal school commute” is a search no one’s cracked—until now . Keep reading, and let’s laugh (and maybe shudder just a bit) at the wild ride that is getting to school in one piece these days . LEARN MORE
School is back in session for millions of students across the country. The Onion shares tips for ensuring your child has a safe commute.
Attend a different school each day to throw would-be kidnappers off your trail.
Determine if your bus driver needs uppers, downers, or both.
If cycling to school, disguise yourself as a three-row SUV to ensure safety on the road.
Don’t cut through the old Guilford place. That plot has a shadow upon it.
Remain seated while the school bus is moving unless something cool is happening behind you.
Leave your fox, chicken, and grain at home to avoid any possible river-crossing problems.
Only accept rides from strangers whose vehicles have a NHTSA five-star safety rating.
Follow the path of the wing’d crow, for it surely knows the way to James Polk Elementary!
Avoid walking past dangerous places along the way, like schools.
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