Uncover the Secrets of Starbase: Louisiana’s Most Mysterious Destination
Remember when all you needed to escape Louisiana was a car with working AC and a playlist that didn’t make you cry? Well, forget about potholes and parishes—Elon Musk just upped the ante by dropping a $100 billion spaceport in the bayou . Yep, we’re talking about a launch site so colossal it almost makes sense of your cousin’s obsession with building bottle rockets. Is it an intergalactic leap for mankind… or just giving locals the most expensive one-way ticket out of Cajun country? Either way, we’d better brush up on our astrophysics—and boil one last pot of crawdads before they’re gone . Want the gory, hilarious details? LEARN MORE
SpaceX recently unveiled plans to construct a $100 billion spaceport in Louisiana, which CEO Elon Musk has said will be “the biggest launch site on Earth.” The Onion shares everything you need to know about the facility.
Q: Why Louisiana?
A: To give locals the no-brainer choice between living in Louisiana and dying in space.
Q: How will the facility benefit the state?
A: By creating jobs for the thousands of unemployed scientists and engineers living in the Pecan Island marsh.
Q: Why is Elon Musk so obsessed with space?
A: All of his kids live on Earth.
Q: What is the best way to land a job there?
A: Keep replying “lol” to Elon Musk’s posts on X, and he’ll eventually find a role for you.
Q: Is it “crayfish” or “crawdad”?
A: Doesn’t matter. They will soon be extinct.
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